Mitigating the Madness

Ah step down week. As the course of treatment for my hellish depression continues, every four weeks or so the frequency of dosage changes. For the first month, the treatment was twice a week, and what a difference it made.

Over the next four weeks, starting with this one, my treatment will be just once a week. The odd thing is I’m going to miss going out that second day, the clinic where I get my treatments is just so calming and it’s a nice couple of hours where I feel like I can relax and not feel guilty about doing so.

As far as my depression goes, I hope that I won’t see a change for the worse. In fact I would be good with no change at all. I’m feeling a little down this week, I suddenly lost one of my ESRatties (Emotional Support Rats), but it isn’t this all consuming depression that feels like my soul has been torn from my body and stomped on by a demon in high heels as it has been in the past.

It’s a rather peculiar feeling to experience grief and sadness about a loss and not have it completely consume me. While I did spend most of the day in bed after my sweet Misha passed, I am able to motivate myself enough to at the least sit at my desk and write this post. It does help that I still have Misha’s sister, Houdini who has a closer bond with me than Misha did. She’s sitting on my shoulder right now cuddling me. Even though my heart is heavy with the loss of Misha, I can still feel and appreciate the love that Houdini is sharing with me. Perhaps, we’re grieving together.

In case you’re wondering, rats really are affectionate animals and they make wonderful pets. Despite what media has portrayed them as in the past, they are not filthy dirty little beasts and I would suggest one as a pet to any one that is old enough to know not to squeeze them like a stress ball.

Here’s to week one of the next step in my treatment. Wish me luck.